you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
