Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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