Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
