The maid of honor just puked.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
