Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
