I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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