We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
