Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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