i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
