So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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