On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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