the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
did i walk over a car last night?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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