Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You're like the curious george of whores
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
