Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
