Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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