Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
