I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
