I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
