Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
