Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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