My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
