She is in my trunk
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
