So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have feelings that need drinking.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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