and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
