I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
