He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Come see our sink grown plant.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
