So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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