She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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