If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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