Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
