My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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