Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
