Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
