I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
