Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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