You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
