We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
