In the future we'll all be gay
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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