Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
