Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
