Jerry, you need to find god
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
