And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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