On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
