I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
