Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
