literally had 100 drinks last night.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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