Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
