Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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