I cut my penus on the lid.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
