Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
