KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
