that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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