Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
We're too hungover to prance.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
