I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
