and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
