Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
