tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
